This past season, I lost two very close family members in short order. One was a shock, the other expected. Regardless of the circumstances that revolve around one’s death, the grief felt by those left here on earth remains strong, overwhelming, and heavy. When that grief intertwines with the holidays, we can find ourselves unaware of how to allow ourselves to experience the joy and wonder of the season. Through Christ’s help, we find our way, our burden is lifted, and we learn to lean into our communities, families, and friends for the light we seek. We find ways to hold both our grief and our joy.
This season temps us to enter into a mode of Spiritual Bypassing, a time when we use spiritual explanations to avoid the depths of our human and natural emotions surrounding a difficult or trying time. We use it as a mode of avoiding what we are being invited into feeling and experiencing, likely because we don’t want to be burdensome, or we want to uplift someone, or in the case of the holidays, we want to force ourselves into what we experienced in seasons past when all was right with the world. We don’t allow ourselves to be human.
As we get closer to Christmas, and the joy of the world around us intensifies, if what you are feeling does not match the external, don’t let it go. What I mean to say is, allow yourself to have a grumpy Christmas. Allow yourself to cry, to feel the loss, and give yourself permission to have a different Christmas than in years past. As Christians, we know that our joy is not rooted in our temporal lives, but runs through the entirety of our human experience. We know that Christ never leaves us, always shows up, and understands what it means to be human and to grieve the loss of a loved one. We know that yes, this too shall pass, but Christ does not hurry us along.
In that same framework, we must not feel guilty for laughter, for smiles, for enjoying the beauty around us. Grief and Joy live in tandem. If we ignore one side or try to suppress the other, we likely are not living in the fullness of life.
So, this Advent season, allow yourself the space to be human, to feel the weight of life’s trials and the lightness of life’s wonder. Inviting grief and joy to intertwine.